Rustproof

This page was last updated: 8 July, 2009

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I found this at a website ages ago. Sorry, I cannot remember which site.  I copied it for myself as I thought it a good lesson to remember, then I thought to share it with others so I hope no copyright has been infringed upon.  If anyone knows of such an infringement please let me know. I just wanted to "spread the word", so to speak ...

Subject:  A Lesson, a simple and direct idea:

An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life.  He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me ... it is a terrible fight and it is  between two wolves.  One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and  faith.  The same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.

"They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied..." The one you feed."

Lessons

The Meaning of Life, to me, is not the great mystery that so many others treat it as.  Life is just a place of learning.  It's our schoolyard.  Sometimes the lessons are hard, sometimes they're not and sometimes we have to keep repeating a lesson until we've learnt it.  We have the choice to move forward with our lessons or to get stuck behind.  It's all up to us but, overall, it's a pretty sweet deal considering the experiences and choices that are available to us.  And you don't have to go looking for any of it either. All you have to do is open your eyes and each new day is a new adventure, a challenge to see what we can learn.

So, here's a few of the things that I have learnt ...

Assumptions ... It seems a very hard thing for folks to do is to not make assumptions about others.

It's easy to make an assumption about someone else.  It's a lot harder to accept that just because you don't know or understand someones reason for a particular behaviour doesn't give you the right to comment on it.  But folks do it all the time and they consider it acceptable to make assumptions.  I'm constantly told, when it comes to assumptions, that is "just the way it is" but, for me, "that's just the way it is" still doesn't make it right.

It can be very hard not to do but making assumptions about others, especially when you don't know them, can be really hurtful to them.  People don't usually mean to be hurtful but that is often how it works out.  You never know what effect your assumptions can have on others so it's just best not to make them.

Pain ... It's important to remember that when you strike out at someone else ... when you try to hurt them ... you do - even if they don't show it.  It's also important to remember that when you do - especially when you do it deliberately - you are also hurting yourself.

To me, people who lash out at others, trying to hurt them, have no self-respect.  I don't like being hurt so why would I think that others do?  I think that if you genuinely respect yourself you have no need to lash out and deliberately cause others pain, regardless of what is said.

Sometimes it's very hard not to react but as I have often said - if you have to apologise for something then you probably shouldn't have done it in the first place.

Then there's the other side of the Pain coin.  When you are the one who has been hurt.  Like anyone else in this world, I've been hurt a number of times.  It's not nice.  It hurts to be hurt.  But the one thing that has really come into focus for me in recent years is the gift of choice.  It may surprise some folks but being and feeling hurt is also a choice.  Sometimes, it seems that being hurt cannot be helped but the truth is it can.  A good example I have is an incident a few years ago when my Mother in Law said something very hurtful regarding our (husband & I) efforts to have a child via IVF.  At first I was hurt but, worse than that, her cruel comment almost taught me how to hate.  Thing is, I never want to know what it feels like to hate.  Hatred is a soul-destroying emotion.  So, I thought about the situation, applied logic to it.  I forgave her.  Her words ultimately came from a place of fear.  I don't live in that place.  Instead, I chose to learn the lessons available to me from that exchange rather than carrying a wound.

Instead of choosing to feel hurt, take away lessons from the situation.  Even if you react at the time - learn something positive from the situation and be grateful to the person who taught it to you.  It can only make you a better person.  I'm thankful to my Mother in Law now.  She taught me that I really didn't want to now how to hate and she taught me how to forgive.

Emotions ... An example of something that is often said to others when they're upset about something is that they're "being silly" and sometimes they refer to themselves as "being silly" about something.

If there's one thing that my life has taught me, it's that no-ones feelings or emotions about a particular subject are ever silly.  Even if you might think that anothers feelings are "silly" or "stupid" you should never tell them so.  Those feelings may not be important to you but they are important to the person who is feeling them and that should be respected.

Yours or someone elses feelings are what they are.  There is no right or wrong about them.  They are what they are.  It's what you do with those feelings, how you may or may not choose to act on them that can be right or wrong.

Respect ... Respect is not bestowed, it must be earned - by EVERYONE.

I've met a number of folks in life who have believed that I should automatically respect them.  That, somehow, they are more worthy of respect than others.  They usually end up disappointed.

I'm not talking about the basic level of respect that should be shown every living thing (human or otherwise).  I'm referring to the deeper level of respect for the individual.  That must be earned.  An individuals social position, level of financial wealth or fame have no meaning to me.  I am more interested in the kind of person they are.  That is what determines how much respect I accord them.

One of my favourite lines comes from the film Bill and Teds Bogus Journey.  It is spoken by the character of Death who says "you may be a King or a little Street Sweeper but sooner or later, you dance with the Reaper".

I like it because it speaks to the equality of all people.  No-one on this planet is better than anyone else, no-one any more, or less, deserving of respect than the next person but if you want respect it is your own actions, not who you are, that determine whether or not you get it.

Self-Respect ... One thing that worries me about people in todays world is a lack of self-respect, even those who think they do have self-respect.  Sometimes, other things are mistaken for self-respect.

One sign of someone lacking self-respect is to see the way they treat others. They do not show respect for others and yet expect to be respected themselves.  Respect has many different levels but those with true self-respect are those who respect others.

It's not about how others treat you, it's about how you treat them.  Treat others as you would like to be treated and you will earn their respect but, more importantly, it's one way in which you can exercise self-respect.